Overheard on Fark.com

Early one Yom Kippur a rabbi was driving to temple and passed by his golf course. He had his clubs in the trunk and he was very early so he stopped to shoot a couple of holes. Up in Heaven Moses was watching and called God over.

"Look at this, G. A rabbi playing golf on Yom Kippur, the highest holy day of the year. What are you going to do about it?"

God said, "Check this out."

And with the wave of God's finger the rabbi shot a hole in one.

"Why'd you do that?," asked Moses.

And God said, "Who can he tell?"

Naah!

Guy after trying on shoes: "My ankles felt all twisted and my feet felt scrunched up and squashed."
Girlfriend: "So, did it hurt?"

At a shoe store in Homebush.
(From Debbie and Rose)

And I still don't understand...

"The last time someone spoke to me like that was my mother when I was eight"

One late 40's woman to another in a cafe.
(From David)

Great Art must be felt

Mother: "Don't touch!"
Daughter aged about 6: "But it feels nice."

At Sharmila Samant's Biennale artwork, 'Against the Grain' depicting woven snakes in a field of cotton - at the Museum of Contemporary Art.

(From Adam)

Awesome

"I've got an awesome resume. You know when you write an awesome essay and you use awesome words...it's like that. "

One smartly dressed woman to another on an escalator in the Macquarie Centre, North Ryde.

(From Mazza, Manly)

He should know.

"I've just never heard myself sound so authentic."

A local on Byron Bay's main street.

(From Alistair Wright)

Holden v Ford

Young woman: "I want an Astra convertible. It's about $50K"
Young man: "Yeah."
Woman: "But my dad and my brother go, "If you bring a Holden here, we'll make sure to blow it up."

Woman on train from Bankstown to the city.

(From Deborah)

And cheap too...

"Don't worry they'll be selling off the cops next!"

Anti-privatization protester to line of police outside Parliament House on Macquarie Street.

(From Penelope)

WTF?

"Smile, remember to answer the questions and, for God's sake, whatever you do, try not to swear!"

A young woman discusses job interviews on a train at Wynyard.

(From Denzil)

Toe putty tastes bad

"Mummy, I want to go in there and feed the elephants."
"You can't darling. They might hurt you."
"Why? Are they poisonous?"

Conversation between young girl and her mother at the zoo.

(From Nicole)

What's for dinner?

"Say hello to David. Go on talk to David!"

Woman holding a mobile phone to the ear of a confused looking poodle.

(From Robert)

Not for DUI, surely?

"Can you come and pick me up from the station?"
[Pause}
"Daaaaad! How am I supposed to get to the pub? I lost my licence today!"

Twenty something girl on mobile phone in North Sydney.

(From Nicky)

How else?

"The Audi's gone, the Mini's gone and the Beemer's gone. How I am supposed to get to training? There is only the Porsche left!"

Teenager in her driveway in Vaucluse.


(From Jeremy Hall, Cremorne Point)

He's baaaack

"I'm out of jail, on the train and coming to your place. What should I bring?"

Man on mobile phone aboard train heading to Sydney.

Where else?

"Where exactly do you stop?"
"I stop exactly at the bus stops."

A Sydney bus driver answers a passenger's question.

(From Rosemary)

Not so precious little snowflake.

"I got him for the weekend."
"That good or bad?"

Two woman in Newtown, one of whom has weekend custody of her son.

(From John Hackett, Redfern)

Mom's precious little snowflake

Woman 1: "I'm 28, single. I've got no ties, baggage."
Woman 2: " Don't you still live at home?"
Woman 1: "So?"
Woman 2. "There's your baggage."

Aboard a flight from DA.

O'Really

I wanted to take you to see a band but I play in a band myself. It would have been like a normal guy taking a girl to his office.

Two people on a first date in Darlinghurst

(From Luke, Elizabeth Bay)